Posts Tagged ‘emotional connection’

Who Hijacked Reality / #652 One of the most ignorant quotes I have ever seen by Dusty Smith and I call bullshit on it.

Tuesday, May 29th, 2012

Journal Entry #652

May 28th, 2012 

Here is the quote and the person who said it. Now I have no problem with Dusty beyond this quote and I am strictly addressing this particular quote. I will link his website so you can see anything else he has written and made. Dusty is more than welcome to respond if he feels the need as I support his right to free speech and his views on life.

It pisses me off to no end when people say dumb shit like this but try and make it sound intelligent. This thought is truly not thought thru and leaves out so much that eludes to and I will address this as well as counter the stupidity disguised as intelligence in this quote.

“Nobody can “break your heart”. All that has happened is that the person who used to make your brain release pleasurable chemicals is no longer doing so and your brain is drug deprived. That person is not the only one capable of making your brain release those chemicals. Replace them and move on.”

Dusty Smith

Now let us break this down and respond;

“Nobody can “break your heart”.

No shit it is a figure of speech representing an emotional connection that you have with another person.

 All that has happened is that the person who used to make your brain release pleasurable chemicals is no longer doing so and your brain is drug deprived.

I will agree with this but here is where we start to see problems. That is not all that has happened unless we are talking about a one night stand but of course this will not lead to heartbreak. You have now invested more than just a few chemical dependencies with this other person and based on the time frame that connection will deepen. When the connection is broken we know have many other chemicals released due to the feelings of betrayal rejection and other emotions beyond the feeling that love bring and I will go into this more later. SO really that is not all that has happened at all.

So if nobody can break your heart and it is completely up to you how you feel and what emotions you allow then when Dusty says that person who used to make your brain release chemicals is not true at all as you are the one who released those chemicals although it will be based on interaction with this other person., so a bit of a contradiction here.

That person is not the only one capable of making your brain release those chemicals.

That person did not do it at all you did it. So really you are the only one capable of releasing your chemicals as it is your choice.

Replace them and move on.”

Now this is the part that really pisses me off;

Replace them and move on, said as if it was easy as pie. You can never replace them as the relationship you had with them will be completely different than any other relationship. Now if we add to the mix children and all the other ripples that are created from this one relationship replacing them will be impossible. Of course if they are
not willing to be with you can’t force them but the process to move on will be intense as there is so much more involved than a few chemical reactions of pleasure as now we have so many other chemical reactions to deal with that are not pleasurable and they must be dealt with before one can feel pleasure again from another.

The ease at which Dusty eludes in doing this is ignorant.


Can you so easily replace a mother or a father of your children and now you must deal with children if you have any from this relationship. You relationship becomes so much more than a few chemical reactions as it becomes your identity, your life and the reason you live. You are a family and this can never be replaced so moving on is not just moving on as so many seem to think it is  when they tell others to just move on.

You have to go through the process of grieve the 5 steps of denial, bargaining, anger depression and acceptance as you are dealing with a loss in your life. This process will not be easy if you have any type of deep connection with this person and that is what your heart feels broken. You emotions have been twisted and turned around and this is no easy fix. Many do not get past the stages of grieve and stay in anger or denial and other combinations of these so replacing them and moving on is not an easy task in fact you will never replace them but you can move on with time.

Also along with this heartbreak will often com with physical and financial difficulties as well as the emotional component forcing one to completely start again and re-examine their life. Friends are often part of the couple and this all changes as well.

So it is not just a life that is affected but many life’s and their chemical reactions as well.

If we look at this from the point of view as a drug addict going cold turkey on their drug how can they replace this particular drug and why would they want to? They will have to go through the withdrawals and then deal with what happened before they can get off the drug or else they are just trading one addiction with another.

So it is not just replace them and move on at all and this is the ignorant part.  Id we want to break IT down to chemical reactions then we now have a huge mine field to get through as we know very little about the chemicals involved and their reactions with our emotions. So to try and equate this to science at this point is just a really bad guess. Hence the mixing of intelligence with stupidity in other words trying to sound smart when the smart person would not have said this at all. A little bit of information in
this case is a dangerous cocktail of ignorance.

I call complete bullshit on this quote by Dusty and if Dusty has broken up from a long-term relationship of say 25 years I doubt he would be saying this at all. I am sure the kids would love to hear that they are all part of a chemical reaction that can easily be replaced. I could be wrong and maybe he has and this is how he handled it but if he did he is in denial.

Breaking our lives down to be drugged or drug deprived is stupid as we know so little about the drugs that are our emotions. If he was following science as he eludes to he
would admit he knows very little on this one and would see the ignorance in his quote..

Moving on is a very difficult task and that person can never be replaced and that is reality.

Seek the truth always

Gary David Currie

Who Hijacked Reality / #639 Emotional connections..

Sunday, February 19th, 2012

Journal Entry #639

February 19th, 2012

This is my blog, my personal journey in life, what I am passionate about and my thoughts. I am not going to write the details of my life here but generalize. I find that writing and talking about things for me helps me get it off my chest and to go through the process of dealing with something. The issue I am dealing with right now can be seen all through my writing over the last 3 months as I express my pain and other emotions. I have 25 years of a deep emotional connection to deal with that one just cannot get over just like that. Funny how some have told me that is what I must do but the reality is far from it.

Emotional connections are the foundation for any relationship be it personal or global as we are emotional creatures. We define ourselves by how we feel about things. Over a long relationship those connections can run deep but will bounce all over the place as we change and the circumstances in life change.

I used to tell my kids;

All the things that you initially love about someone will eventually be the things that you hate about them.

The idea to a long lasting relationship and this is hard as it must be worked on daily is to recognize the process, to understand what is true and to not run on the emotion for the moment as it will always change. To maintain that deep connection one must see beyond where they are at, to always see the good in others and be willing to fight for them no matter what (I will qualify here to say that abuse and violence often exceed the no matter what clause).

If you do not allow the option to run away from a problem and be willing to face it and find a solution then you will have the rewards that go along with this commitment. If you leave the option open to leave or run away then you will eventually take it as there will come a point when things seem unbearable. Getting past this point is the greatest triumph you can accomplish.

Ask yourself;

What am I made of?

What do I stand for?

What am I willing to fight for?

Am I willing to change, learn and grow as a human being?

If you can do these things and the others are willing your success is greatly improved but if not you will fail as you have set it up that way. I have seen this time and time again both personally and from afar. Once you are willing to let go of that emotional connection even slightly then you head down that road and not the other way of fighting for things in life that are valuable.

Unfortunately this must work both ways or else it is doomed to fail.

Now to the tough part. When it does fail and you are the one who still holds onto that deep emotional connection it will take a long time to get over it as it will go against everything you stand for, everything you value and everything you have fought for. Time will be your friend.

Can one ever really get over it? I don’t think so as love is a powerful force, a powerful emotion even when it only goes one way and you can let go without giving up. The feelings you have I do believe will always be there but can be placed where they will do no harm. The idea is to not do damage to yourself while still maintaining your sense of worth and of course this is hard, very hard.

Hard to do but wise words.

Deep emotional connections are vital to our species and allow us to create great art and other things of beauty; they allow us to have the relationships we do and to care for each other but we cannot and must not control how others feel, how they deal with their emotions as all must be given freely or the connection is false and harmful.

Eventually the truth on any matter will prevail and what is right will win out so one if true to thyself must be patient while moving on from any connections that have been broken, easier said than done any day.

I don’t have the answers as each situation will be different I just know that I would rather have that emotional connection even if it ends than not have had it at all.

So as the old saying goes if you love something set it free and if it comes back it was meant to be. Corny but true..

Seek the truth always

Gary David Currie