Posts Tagged ‘feelings’

Who Hijacked Reality / #656 The secret to a successful marriage or long term relationship.

Sunday, June 3rd, 2012

Journal Entry #656

June 3rd, 2012

As I write this my eyes are tearing up as sadly my advice will be based on a failed marriage for me. I used to tell my kids that if you wanted advise on anything  to make sure that it is from a credible source and this is why I hesitate in writing this or offering my advice. Then I thought as I have put this off for a long time that my advice will still be sound for those that value it and as you read I hope you will see this.

Putting my private life out for all to see is a double edge sword as I am not one to let all see but then again I value the truth and there is no truth like reality. I am still married but after a 6 month separation I will say based on what has transpired that I must move on. Sure I am not happy at the situation as I love my wife, my family and value our relationship but I am not bitter just sad that things have happened the way they have but this is part of life and must be dealt with. I will learn what I can learn and move on.

What I do know is that the process of life will carry on and each of us will recognize this process where we are at. Have no illusion though it will rarely be what you think it will be and be very careful what you wish for as you will probably get it and it will not be what you expected at all. Getting lost in your feelings of the moment can be a very dangerous thing as feelings always change but consequences can be devastating.

Well here we go and you can take it or leave it. Each one of you will see this as you feel it pertains to you but what I hope you can do is look at this from outside your particular experiences and see the value in the ideas.

To me there is nothing more valuable in this life than having a long term relationship, a marriage of 2 people who have committed to each other for life. The rewards if recognized are the greatest one can achieve and the loss if not valued will shape who you are forever. To wake up beside someone knowing that this person would fight for you no matter what is a feeling of safety and comfort like no other. If valued this will carry you through anything that life throws at you and to me is worth fighting for but for many it is not.

The secret to a successful long term marriage;

- There is no secret it is hard work every day and every moment as each moment we make a choice and each choice will determine a path so chose wisely as it only take a moment to cause another pain but a lifetime to heal that pain.

- Here is the big one, it will always take a commitment from both of you to make it work and if one has given up at any point then it will fail. If you at anytime give yourself the option to run or give up then that is exactly what will happen and you will take that option. All you do from that point on will be based on escaping and you will find reasons to leave. This works the opposite as well if you concentrate on fighting for your marriage then all your options will be in that direction. You will always find a solution based on the initial choice you make. If people put the effort in working on their marriage as they do in leaving it then they would probably have a great marriage.

- Do not commit lightly to your relationship. See the long term value and be in it for the long haul as there will be plenty of moments along the way where you feel like giving up. Be in it for the right reasons. Those wedding vows say it all and if you decide to make that vow honour it or do not make it at all.

- All the things you love about someone in the beginning at some point will become the things you hate. Recognize this and work with it;

An example; “He is so smart”…………..later “he thinks he is so smart and always thinks he’s right”.

- When things are rough remember the reasons you married this person in the first place and concentrate on that. Look for the good as it is easy to find fault.

- Do not place friends, your job or career or anything else above the person you are married to. Find the balance. Friends will come and go, jobs will come and go but if you treat the one you said you loved right they will be there forever and isn’t this the reason you got married in the first place? If you didn’t then you should have never got married but if you did honour that commitment and work on it.

-Do not make your spouse your enemy at any time as they are the one who would take a bullet for you so value that.

- if you are going to talk with your friends or other people about problems you are having then make sure you go back and tell your spouse and talk with them about those issues. Keep those lines of communication open at all times.

- You will get what you give so recognize this and give wisely. Now like I said it will always take 2 and the choice to fight for your marriage as the starting point. Of course you cannot control another and should not try. All must be given freely…

- There are many stages in life and you can include each other in all of them. Plan for this and recognize the changes in your life’s and those around you.

- It is easy to find excuses to not make things work but remember it is just as easy to find reasons to make it work. Once you start down each path the result will follow.

- I used to tell my wife that the best thing we can do for our children is to love each other and to value our wedding vows. This will have more impact on them than anything we ever say to them.

- The idea of love and all this encompasses gets lost in so many relationships as people tend to concentrate on their feelings for the moment. Those feelings will change and to learn to recognize this will serve you well.

- You can’t have it all so choose wisely. You can however have a good deal of things and still be happily married. If you have someone who is willing to work with you and enjoy the ride your life together can be awesome but this will be a choice.

- My final thought; All your choices will affect others more than you can imagine. If you have children as a couple and as their parents you have taken on a lifetime responsibility that should not be treated lightly. You will be the main example that they will follow in how they direct their life’s. Remember this and if you have made the choice to abandon it at any point along the way you break your responsibility and commitment of love for them. If the marriage fails they will remember this more than anything and not the good times.

-Above all just love each other…

So many take being married as something they can throw away when it is not working, they give up and while I am not judging others I am offering my thoughts on how important and worthy valuing your marriage is. It will define who you are in life, what you are made off and what you are willing to fight for more than anything else you do if this is what you have chosen so don’t just give up as there are good reasons you decided to get married and be with this person for the rest of your life.

I often get told that my spouse was abusive and I agree you should leave. This is why I said to not get married unless you are ready to commit. Do not take the choice lightly and make sure this is truly what you want. All the signs will be there before hand if you are looking and not blinded by the idea of romantic love.

Hell its hard work but in my opinion worth it more than anything else in life but it will take two to see this.

I hope what I have offered will be a guide in some way to bring you success in your life. If you are one of those that has not succeeded then remember your marriage is never over as you will always be connected to each other especially if you have been together for a long time and all you feel now will change. Let go of your anger and hate if you have it and still see the good in each other even if you are not together as your choices have affected the lives of all those you connect with.

If you still have the opportunity to see beyond your feelings for the moment and can work out your relationship then I suggest you do so. If you have not given it everything in the first place there will come a time you will regret this more than anything as it will affect all you do in your life. I used to tell my wife during those difficult times that if you want to leave do it for the right reasons not your feelings for the moment as they will change.

It is not a battle..

I wish all those who decide to honour their commitments a long and happy life and for those who do not well all we do has a price so make sure you are willing to pay it.

I will close with my wedding vows as when valued they say all that needs to be said and honoured.

I, (Bride/Groom), take you (Groom/Bride), to be my (wife/husband), to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, forsaking all others; from this day forward until death do us part.

Seek the truth always

Gary David Currie

Who Hijacked Reality / #654 You can’t have it all so choose wisely..

Friday, June 1st, 2012

Journal Entry #654

June 1st, 2012

My status on Face book…

You can’t have it all folks. If you want the career as an example you will probably give up the family and vice versa. Life is a balance so chose wisely what you value when you are young as this will set the tone for your life and remember everything you do will affect others so think of the consequences before you make your choices.

Everything you do will get boring, get old so be in it for the long haul and the little rewards along the way. This one decision of choosing what you will stand for in life will determine your path far more than you can imagine.

When asked what you will fight for you should not hesitate to know the answer but make sure that answer will serve you well in all aspects of your life not just the moment you are in and your feelings right now as they will change.

Choose wisely…

So many have not figured this out and spend their entire life trying to find the answer. Of course they want the easy fix and are not willing to do the work required for the long haul. When it does not work out as they planned they run or give up and to me this is the problem. They give up because they do not have convictions, because they have not decided what is worth fighting for in life and will simply move on to the next thing which is actually their conviction. I hope you get this one very important point I just made.

I find this pathetic to give up so easily. If something is worth starting then it is worth finishing. This is never more obvious than in relationships. This is why I said choose wisely and don’t just jump in and commit until you are actually truly ready to commit and not do what feels good for the moment. Moments always change.

Personally I figured this out long ago with a couple of key values, ideals or convictions that I would be willing to fight hard for and I do believe these are worth sharing. Now I can only control my actions and not others and they will follow what they have chosen. Don’t be fooled as we all choose something even if it is to not make a choice or commitment and to give up as this will be your conviction. What you chose will become your habit of behaviour in life and until you value another will set the tone for you and those who you affect. This is why I say to not take this lightly.

First realize that you cannot have it all, there is not enough time as this will be a contradiction. I am not telling others they are right or wrong but that all we do will have consequences along the way so be prepared to pay this price and don’t whine unrealistically when that price comes.

The idea is to know which battles you are willing to fight and why you are willing to fight them.

We all want to be valued in life, to be seen as important in the eyes of others and how you go about doing this will demonstrate the convictions you have chosen when you were younger. Most people pretend they are lost but really they are not but are not willing to recognize what they have chosen. Can this change? Yes it can but it is not easy to break the habits we form when we are young.

In essence on any matter you will chose one of 2 options you will run or you will fight so once this is recognized and accepted you have a great start to life.. Have no illusion these are the only 2 options on all your interactions.

I will say this if you are going to run on anything don’t pretend that you are willing to fight because this will be a lie to yourself and all those around you.

You will always be passionate about something….

What I chose;

I chose as my number one value to seek the truth always.

Now this will not usually be what I want to hear, what I want in life but I realized that lies will only lead to more lies and that train will always crash so it was better to know the truth be it bitter than to believe a lie that sounded sweet because underneath the sugar is what counts.

I chose to not commit lightly and to think through all the consequences to critically think but when I do commit to stay the course.

I chose to value family above all in my relationships and to not compromise on this keeping in mind I can only control what I do and not the actions of others.

I chose to walk the talk or to shut my mouth.

I chose to fight as best I could to right the wrongs in this world.

I chose to figure out my strengths and to concentrate on them while recognizing my weaknesses and working on those that were worth working on.

I chose to be passionate about my battles.

I chose to realize I can be wrong on anything.

I chose to the best of my ability to not let others bring me to their level but to show them they could rise to mine. I realized this would be the path of most resistance but I
was willing to be that example and accept the condemnation and hate that followed as a result of comfort zones being broken.

There is more but this is the essence of who I am and what I have chosen as my path.

I do believe I have chosen wisely even though at times it feels as if I have not. So again when you are asked the question what will you fight for in life I hope you know the answer because you will always fight for something even if it is to run so choose wisely..

What I have offered here will be evident in all we do as human beings and will affect all of our actions. It is the core of what is going on in our world and why I talk about it.

Seek the truth always

Gary David Currie

Who Hijacked Reality / #652 One of the most ignorant quotes I have ever seen by Dusty Smith and I call bullshit on it.

Tuesday, May 29th, 2012

Journal Entry #652

May 28th, 2012 

Here is the quote and the person who said it. Now I have no problem with Dusty beyond this quote and I am strictly addressing this particular quote. I will link his website so you can see anything else he has written and made. Dusty is more than welcome to respond if he feels the need as I support his right to free speech and his views on life.

It pisses me off to no end when people say dumb shit like this but try and make it sound intelligent. This thought is truly not thought thru and leaves out so much that eludes to and I will address this as well as counter the stupidity disguised as intelligence in this quote.

“Nobody can “break your heart”. All that has happened is that the person who used to make your brain release pleasurable chemicals is no longer doing so and your brain is drug deprived. That person is not the only one capable of making your brain release those chemicals. Replace them and move on.”

Dusty Smith

http://www.cultofdusty.com

Now let us break this down and respond;

“Nobody can “break your heart”.

No shit it is a figure of speech representing an emotional connection that you have with another person.

 All that has happened is that the person who used to make your brain release pleasurable chemicals is no longer doing so and your brain is drug deprived.

I will agree with this but here is where we start to see problems. That is not all that has happened unless we are talking about a one night stand but of course this will not lead to heartbreak. You have now invested more than just a few chemical dependencies with this other person and based on the time frame that connection will deepen. When the connection is broken we know have many other chemicals released due to the feelings of betrayal rejection and other emotions beyond the feeling that love bring and I will go into this more later. SO really that is not all that has happened at all.

So if nobody can break your heart and it is completely up to you how you feel and what emotions you allow then when Dusty says that person who used to make your brain release chemicals is not true at all as you are the one who released those chemicals although it will be based on interaction with this other person., so a bit of a contradiction here.

That person is not the only one capable of making your brain release those chemicals.

That person did not do it at all you did it. So really you are the only one capable of releasing your chemicals as it is your choice.

Replace them and move on.”

Now this is the part that really pisses me off;

Replace them and move on, said as if it was easy as pie. You can never replace them as the relationship you had with them will be completely different than any other relationship. Now if we add to the mix children and all the other ripples that are created from this one relationship replacing them will be impossible. Of course if they are
not willing to be with you can’t force them but the process to move on will be intense as there is so much more involved than a few chemical reactions of pleasure as now we have so many other chemical reactions to deal with that are not pleasurable and they must be dealt with before one can feel pleasure again from another.

The ease at which Dusty eludes in doing this is ignorant.

 

Can you so easily replace a mother or a father of your children and now you must deal with children if you have any from this relationship. You relationship becomes so much more than a few chemical reactions as it becomes your identity, your life and the reason you live. You are a family and this can never be replaced so moving on is not just moving on as so many seem to think it is  when they tell others to just move on.

You have to go through the process of grieve the 5 steps of denial, bargaining, anger depression and acceptance as you are dealing with a loss in your life. This process will not be easy if you have any type of deep connection with this person and that is what your heart feels broken. You emotions have been twisted and turned around and this is no easy fix. Many do not get past the stages of grieve and stay in anger or denial and other combinations of these so replacing them and moving on is not an easy task in fact you will never replace them but you can move on with time.

Also along with this heartbreak will often com with physical and financial difficulties as well as the emotional component forcing one to completely start again and re-examine their life. Friends are often part of the couple and this all changes as well.

So it is not just a life that is affected but many life’s and their chemical reactions as well.

If we look at this from the point of view as a drug addict going cold turkey on their drug how can they replace this particular drug and why would they want to? They will have to go through the withdrawals and then deal with what happened before they can get off the drug or else they are just trading one addiction with another.

So it is not just replace them and move on at all and this is the ignorant part.  Id we want to break IT down to chemical reactions then we now have a huge mine field to get through as we know very little about the chemicals involved and their reactions with our emotions. So to try and equate this to science at this point is just a really bad guess. Hence the mixing of intelligence with stupidity in other words trying to sound smart when the smart person would not have said this at all. A little bit of information in
this case is a dangerous cocktail of ignorance.

I call complete bullshit on this quote by Dusty and if Dusty has broken up from a long-term relationship of say 25 years I doubt he would be saying this at all. I am sure the kids would love to hear that they are all part of a chemical reaction that can easily be replaced. I could be wrong and maybe he has and this is how he handled it but if he did he is in denial.

Breaking our lives down to be drugged or drug deprived is stupid as we know so little about the drugs that are our emotions. If he was following science as he eludes to he
would admit he knows very little on this one and would see the ignorance in his quote..

Moving on is a very difficult task and that person can never be replaced and that is reality.

Seek the truth always

Gary David Currie

Who Hijacked Reality / #637 Play the cards you’re dealt to the maximum.

Thursday, February 16th, 2012

Journal Entry #637

February 11th, 2012

Today I am packing up my house and getting ready to move at 8:00 a.m. tomorrow morning. I find myself dealing with a situation that I must make the best of. I did not want this to happen but it is completely out of my control so I must grab hold of what is in my control.

I have had people say to me that I should not be publically talking about what has happened to me and although I have not made all the details public I feel I must if I am to stay true to what I profess talk about it and the consequences from actions both within and beyond ones control.

When things happen to us especially directly from the actions of others we are forced into making decisions on how to precede with our life’s. Often those who have put us in these situations have no idea of those consequences, what their actions have put into motion or how it will eventually affect them but the axioms of the world will always be true. We have a price to pay for all we do.

We must deal with all of our emotions and if I am to profess a worldview of truth I cannot back down when it is something personal and unpleasant to deal with. For me dealing with all things openly and honestly head on is the right and healthy attitude to have. We rarely get what we want but what we can do is to maintain our integrity, be truthful and face the situation head on. I have seen lies, fear and secrets destroy people even when they do not know it is destroying them as the truth will not care and always follow you wherever you go.

So play the cards you are dealt and then get a new hand.

I do believe that what is true will prevail, what is right will find its way and that people really do want to do the right thing but most just don’t know how to do it. I see people living for the moment which I endorse and going on their feelings but part of this must be long term thinking and the consequences of our actions.

I have been hurt recently and put in a position where I have lost so much but as I come through this I see the opportunity to start again while building on who I am. I like who I am, what I stand for and my worldview. I find that most who do the wrong things and who avoid dealing with reality do not like themselves and that they do these things to escape reality, what is right and what is true. This will never work as reality always catches up with you like it or not.

I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word in reality. This is why right, temporarily defeated, is stronger than evil triumphant.

Martin Luther King, Jr.

 

Seek the truth always

Gary David Currie