Journal Entry #639
February 19th, 2012
This is my blog, my personal journey in life, what I am passionate about and my thoughts. I am not going to write the details of my life here but generalize. I find that writing and talking about things for me helps me get it off my chest and to go through the process of dealing with something. The issue I am dealing with right now can be seen all through my writing over the last 3 months as I express my pain and other emotions. I have 25 years of a deep emotional connection to deal with that one just cannot get over just like that. Funny how some have told me that is what I must do but the reality is far from it.
Emotional connections are the foundation for any relationship be it personal or global as we are emotional creatures. We define ourselves by how we feel about things. Over a long relationship those connections can run deep but will bounce all over the place as we change and the circumstances in life change.
I used to tell my kids;
All the things that you initially love about someone will eventually be the things that you hate about them.
The idea to a long lasting relationship and this is hard as it must be worked on daily is to recognize the process, to understand what is true and to not run on the emotion for the moment as it will always change. To maintain that deep connection one must see beyond where they are at, to always see the good in others and be willing to fight for them no matter what (I will qualify here to say that abuse and violence often exceed the no matter what clause).
If you do not allow the option to run away from a problem and be willing to face it and find a solution then you will have the rewards that go along with this commitment. If you leave the option open to leave or run away then you will eventually take it as there will come a point when things seem unbearable. Getting past this point is the greatest triumph you can accomplish.
What am I made of?
What do I stand for?
What am I willing to fight for?
Am I willing to change, learn and grow as a human being?
If you can do these things and the others are willing your success is greatly improved but if not you will fail as you have set it up that way. I have seen this time and time again both personally and from afar. Once you are willing to let go of that emotional connection even slightly then you head down that road and not the other way of fighting for things in life that are valuable.
Unfortunately this must work both ways or else it is doomed to fail.
Now to the tough part. When it does fail and you are the one who still holds onto that deep emotional connection it will take a long time to get over it as it will go against everything you stand for, everything you value and everything you have fought for. Time will be your friend.
Can one ever really get over it? I don’t think so as love is a powerful force, a powerful emotion even when it only goes one way and you can let go without giving up. The feelings you have I do believe will always be there but can be placed where they will do no harm. The idea is to not do damage to yourself while still maintaining your sense of worth and of course this is hard, very hard.
Hard to do but wise words.
Deep emotional connections are vital to our species and allow us to create great art and other things of beauty; they allow us to have the relationships we do and to care for each other but we cannot and must not control how others feel, how they deal with their emotions as all must be given freely or the connection is false and harmful.
Eventually the truth on any matter will prevail and what is right will win out so one if true to thyself must be patient while moving on from any connections that have been broken, easier said than done any day.